how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
