brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
