The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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