i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How's work?
Spinning.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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