Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
