So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
