I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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