well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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