I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
