Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
