I'm so fucking centered right now
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
