Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
