You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
