Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
