Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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