life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
