we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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