i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
