What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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