If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Who died my cat blue again?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
