I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
barbara walters just said penis...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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