Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
