you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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