p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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