Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
