would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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