You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
we're so committed to being not committed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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