I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
