She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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