i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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