The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.