Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken

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  (508): you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken http://tfl.nu/rlnm
  Replies (28) Good night (802) Bad night (2940)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.

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  (513): Oh no, it isn't official until she poops. http://tfl.nu/gc75
  Replies (20) Good night (776) Bad night (3517)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.

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  (862): I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word. http://tfl.nu/hy59
  Replies (21) Good night (5119) Bad night (779)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.

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  (262): I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom. http://tfl.nu/hw22
  Replies (13) Good night (5661) Bad night (1105)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.

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  (919): I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels. http://tfl.nu/lt6v
  Replies (19) Good night (4479) Bad night (1414)
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  (408): View more from California

  I don't have enough holes for all these australians

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  (408): I don't have enough holes for all these australians http://tfl.nu/dq24
  Replies (13) Good night (5927) Bad night (1340)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.

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  (970): I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant. http://tfl.nu/vide
  Replies (3) Good night (2457) Bad night (913)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me

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  (859): But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me http://tfl.nu/ot16
  Replies (4) Good night (2057) Bad night (887)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.

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  (360): Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning. http://tfl.nu/92kl
  Replies (18) Good night (2865) Bad night (764)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.

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  (920): I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up. http://tfl.nu/mqfc
  Replies (6) Good night (1640) Bad night (567)
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  (714): View more from California

  Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.

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  (714): Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious. http://tfl.nu/8gkr
  Replies (5) Good night (1883) Bad night (470)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You need a twittervention. You're better than this.

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  (978): You need a twittervention. You're better than this. http://tfl.nu/6sfs
  Replies (7) Good night (744) Bad night (559)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores

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  (770): I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores http://tfl.nu/zgxa
  Replies (0) Good night (451) Bad night (286)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Two dicks, one me.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yoga's definitely paying off.

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  (832): Two dicks, one me. (832): Yoga's definitely paying off. http://tfl.nu/ljaq
  Replies (9) Good night (866) Bad night (293)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer

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  (419): I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer http://tfl.nu/ezfg
  Replies (2) Good night (802) Bad night (244)

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