His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
NoShamevember. You game?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol