i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
