Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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