Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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