and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
