He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
