For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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