i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
