Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
