1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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