I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
