My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
