i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
