Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
