Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
