you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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