Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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