So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
