Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
