I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
