come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
