some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
