Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
