And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Girls should come with a carfax report
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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