I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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