How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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