what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
