I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
