no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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