its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
