she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
