every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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