I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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