Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
