Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
